The perfectionist:
I have always had the ingrained thought that I had to be a certain way in order to be loved, accepted, or "good". No matter how much my heart intercepts, and my brain intercepts, I somehow believe this absurd thought. Trying to reprogram myself is quite a slow and torturous process. I guess many think they must "perform" in one way or another, but is our worth dependent on that? Some may say if we didn't, we must be worth-less. But, in D&C 18:10 it reads that "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." Just being a soul makes us great and worthwhile. If we could all just build on that, and make something of ourselves because we're already great, Not to prove to ourselves or others that because of what we accomplish, or how we look, or how popular we are, or how much money we have that we now qualify as great. We are counciled to "aBe ye therefore bperfect, even as your cFather which is in heaven is dperfect". Which is only possible through Christ's atoning sacrifice. Not, "be perfect, even like the person in that parent, fortune 500, fitness, or high fashion magazine". If we all looked upon others without judgment, but love, knowing that they are a son or daughter of God, learning and growing on this great green earth, we wouldn't have to seek the approval of others, because they would already approve despite our faults and failures. Anyway, surely I'm not making sense by now, but if we can all believe that we are quite valuable, and make it our mission to convince others of this by loving, serving, and caring- rather than judging, our worth and happiness, love, and closeness to perfection would probably increase ten-fold.
These songs lyrics really struck a chord with me. Weird? I never claimed to be normal...and I've been accused of being too deep... oh well, at least I'm worth a lot.
I have always had the ingrained thought that I had to be a certain way in order to be loved, accepted, or "good". No matter how much my heart intercepts, and my brain intercepts, I somehow believe this absurd thought. Trying to reprogram myself is quite a slow and torturous process. I guess many think they must "perform" in one way or another, but is our worth dependent on that? Some may say if we didn't, we must be worth-less. But, in D&C 18:10 it reads that "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." Just being a soul makes us great and worthwhile. If we could all just build on that, and make something of ourselves because we're already great, Not to prove to ourselves or others that because of what we accomplish, or how we look, or how popular we are, or how much money we have that we now qualify as great. We are counciled to "aBe ye therefore bperfect, even as your cFather which is in heaven is dperfect". Which is only possible through Christ's atoning sacrifice. Not, "be perfect, even like the person in that parent, fortune 500, fitness, or high fashion magazine". If we all looked upon others without judgment, but love, knowing that they are a son or daughter of God, learning and growing on this great green earth, we wouldn't have to seek the approval of others, because they would already approve despite our faults and failures. Anyway, surely I'm not making sense by now, but if we can all believe that we are quite valuable, and make it our mission to convince others of this by loving, serving, and caring- rather than judging, our worth and happiness, love, and closeness to perfection would probably increase ten-fold.
These songs lyrics really struck a chord with me. Weird? I never claimed to be normal...and I've been accused of being too deep... oh well, at least I'm worth a lot.
*********
"That I Would Be Good"
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
ALANIS MORISSETTE
10 comments:
Wow! So profound! I love your deep thinking. It is so hard to lose the perfectionist mentality. It all just gets so overwhelming. And I love the song! (and I also love how you typed up the lyrics.- cool effect!)
I know how you feel. I'm often not sure if I'm a very good person. YOU, however . . . Heather, you're one of the best, most non-judgmental people I know! You'll always be good in my eyes (and everyone else's I'm sure.)
Amen Sista! Great post.., we all need to be reminded of that once in a while :) Miss you!
I think your soul rocks.
I get real, actual, factual social anxiety in big groups because I so easily become overwhelmed with how I need to act/be/look to be accepted.
Thanks for the reminder that if I only do so much as exist, I am still worth my Savior's great sacrifice.
Lovely post Heather. I've been reading a cheesy book called "Sink Reflections" & it talks about baby steps and letting go of being a perfectionist. I realized my house was never the way I wanted it because I was a perfectionist. I'm trying hard to get over that. Anyhooo, those lyrics are great.
You're awesome Heather (and beautiful!).
sorry that was maddi ya because my friend carla has just been being a total weirdo i dont even know how i got to be friends with her like you said people try to perform,she is totally one of those people.someone that i promise is someone that i NEVER want to talk to again.than she told jamie RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME that brenna[this girl that thinks shes so cool]was gonna replace me as her friend!!not cool carla seriously.i think that she like had no friends so she tried to useme and pretend to be my friend.NOW,BRENNA CARLA & JAMIE ARE THEIR OWN LITTLE GROUP NOW AND NOT ME BECAUSE BRENNA"REPLACED ME"she is definately toxic!sorry that was so long hahahahaha i olny meant to say that was maddi haha
Maddi- You are totally good enough. You are beautiful on the inside and out. I remember dealing with girl drama when I was younger and it wasn't much fun. Just keep being who you are because you are awesome. If someone isn't being nice to you than I say they aren't worthy of your friendship. I love you! Keep being exactly who you are because I think you are perfect!
-Love, Aunt Jen
What a way to start off the day! I think I need to go back to bed and let my head rest.....too much thinking before 9am! :0) That truly was beautiful. I am right there with ya sista. So how do we teach our children this concept so they KNOW they are great and don't rely on nasty people to validate them? Why does it start so young?
Maddi, after watching you week after week in Primary, I think you are a beautiful girl INSIDE and OUT. If someone isn't treating you nicely they aren't a true friend and you don't need em! You are truly a daughter of God.
I loved this post. Really hit home. I'll be adding that song to my playlist for sure!
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